We sat there, on my couch. My sister still guarding me. My wife still pacing....for far too long.
Honestly, I don't have the energy - even now, over a year later, to tell the rest of this story. The retelling of events thus far is a very very small start of what I went through.
Danielle did eventually leave my home. The police did eventually come...after way too much time had passed. I do not want or wish to speak badly of the police, and once they were finally there I appreciate the kindness in how it was handled. I appreciate the cop kneeling in front of me before he left, seeing the broken woman in front of him and saying "what happened to you tonight is wrong. No one deserves this, you did not deserve this." Yet the length of time that passed from notifying them I was in need, to the time they showed up at my door....leaves me with small hope. Had Danielle been more lethally determined, had I been alone - my sister not there, I do not believe I'd be alive or in a capacity to be writing this now.
Which is just another one of the many reasons I do not have the energy to tell the rest of this story, not now at least. Maybe someday I will. My hope is that someday I can. But the legal system...well that was and is just an absolute complete failure to victims of abuse. Intentional or not, they fail us. In times, it even felt like they abused me further. I hate even writing that for people to read. To discourage anyone from standing up to their abuser - but I also started this series of blogs with the full intent to be brutally honest. So, if you find yourself in my shoes, just know this...it is a long fucking treacherous road. And while the court system supports your abuser more than you, that means nothing. Your voice matters, your story matters. What you went through, it matters. And you, YOU, most importantly - YOU MATTER.
That is the purpose of sharing my story. That is why I have blogged. Victims of abuse, we matter. Our stories, they matter. That is why I choose to tell mine. That is why I am still here. That is why I choose to stand, to speak, to write. Victims of abuse should never be silenced.
I refuse to let the system win.
I choose to stand. Every. Single. Time.
Even when it's hard.
Especially when it's hard.
I will always choose to stand.
The End.
